My Life – Behind The Writing – Part 14

So here we are on Thursday, tomorrow is Friday and my first day back to work since I filed my complaint online. I haven’t heard anything directly or indirectly since I have yet to be contacted about the situation. I don’t even know if they have the information I sent in.

Today I plan on printing it out and having it on me and holding true to my word that I refuse to be bullied any longer and if she does I will clock out and go home, since I feel like there’s nothing more that I can do. If I get told that if I clock out before the end of my shift then I’m fired, honestly that won’t scare me away from clocking out if the situation calls for it. I would just escalade my complaint to the Ministry Of Labour. For those who don’t know, the ministry of labour is a large group of people who are basically on my side and will make many things a fair fight when going against a company.

To be honest there’s more to it than that, but it helps people like me get on equal playing ground for many topics and they become a third party who are willing to hear both sides of the story without taking a side and they are here to make sure that workers are treated fair and equal, one of the things they say is one can’t be fired for reporting things like being bullied.

Needless to say I’m rather nervous about tomorrow because, this is my first time getting bullied at work and I’m nervous about what’s going to go down. But truthfully I am prepared for a few things, but I know it’s playing on my mind about how things may go over. I tend to over think many things and this is definitely one thing that has my mind running on over time.

I have been job hunting since I put in my complaint because I get the feeling that they may try to push me out of my position considering I’m still under my 90 days which basically means that they can fire me for anything and they don’t have to really give me a reason.

But I basically have to walk in with the “whatever happens, happens” sort of mindset and see where the day takes me.

I guess needless to say, I have no idea if I’m going to have a job after tomorrow or not. I will have to print out my newest complaint so I can have it on me.

Now it’s time to go about my day…


My Life – Behind The Writing – Part 13

Well the time is ticking down before I go back into walmart for my next shift. I’ve had a few thoughts about what may occur including me losing my job since it would be easier for them to cut me from the job than the one that I put in the complaint about.

At times a small part of me is nervous, but since I submitted the complaint I’ve been looking for another job. To be honest it’s not the best time to job hunt right now because near the end of October and the start of November companies only tend to look for Christmas help (otherwise known as seasonal help). But that’s not what I’m looking for, I see the path being long and difficult in front of me since I honestly see walmart letting me go. But I don’t know if they’ll do it from minute one. Since that maybe too obvious, but at the same time I’m still under my 90 day probation which to sum it up..

If I fart,sneeze or cough and they dislike it. They can let me go.

Many people say that the 90 day probation is a way for you to prove yourself to a company. I disagree with that, but I understand where those people are coming from. But if you can get let go for no reason and they don’t even need to give you a reason to terminate your employment I personally think that’s unfair. If employment becomes terminated I think the company should give you a reason for the termination, even though in saying that. I’m sure most reasons will be some sort of generic bullshit like “your services are no longer required”

I don’t know about any of you, but I’ve noticed that the local walmart… yes the same one that employs yours truly…. is constantly hiring.

Now going back on the 90 day probation thing and how companies feel that they should no longer tell employees then I guess employees have the right to walk off the job at any given time without a moments notice.
So with that being said for the (roughly) month long stay I’ve had at walmart. I have seen a few fellow employees leave, now I think the most classic thing I’ve seen is during one’s shift a cashier left.. But it’s more so how she left that was the classic thing of them all.

So she had a line of say six or eight people that she was checking out since that’s her job… But during the middle of checking out on person she just had enough of it and she literally threw her hands up and said “I’m done, I can’t do this anymore” and walked to the back where she grabbed her jacket and left her vest and walked out in tears. I know I’ve been in that position I’ve been in tears, not at work though. I’ve so far managed to keep things bottled up until I was able to get home.

In one way walmart is making me feel like no matter what I chose to do about the situation to be wrong… Now if I treated the one whose bullying me like some dumb bitch on the street and turned around and told her to “fuck off and leave me alone”… she would run herself back to management and complain about me and claim I was bullying her.
I’m not about to sit in silence, nobody needs to go through bullying or put up with it. It doesn’t matter about your age or if your at work or at school or anywhere.

I really don’t care if this costs me my job, I think in a way I would get the last laugh and I say that because walmart has a hard time keeping a regular staff and this would be a good reason why.


My Life – Behind The Writing – Part 12

So since Sunday evening I’ve been asked by a few people if I regret submitting the statement I did to walmart.
I’ve stood behind my statement with answering “No I don’t regret it” as nobody should go through bullying anywhere no matter at school or at ones work place.

Now since Saturday I have seen that the walmart I’m working for have an ad listed on indeed (job search website) and they recently relisted it. Does that make me nervous ?, honestly not really. If walmart lets me go because I’m still under my 90 day probation then it’s all walmart, I did not walk from this job but instead I was pushed out because they refused to do anything about my problem.

But it shows why they have trouble keeping people at walmart because the book that they give you giving all the information about what to do if and all that shit, it’s just created by lawyers who want to avoid red tape. Since bullying is such a hot topic these days it makes companies afraid when you start talking about it.

If they do let me go, I don’t think I would go and say good bye to anyone, I think I would just leave. At first I had the thought of finding a few people to say goodbye to, but I don’t think they care about me that much, it’s more so that we work together right now that’s why they seem to act like they care.

So I would just walk out of the place and go home. I’m both here and there when it comes to making friends, I have trouble making them and have always had trouble making them.

If it turns out that they keep me on and they haven’t gotten the note then I will have a copy of it in my jacket to hand in when I go in on Friday. It’ll be a revised edition as certain things I would reword and explain that I still refuse to work with that person and if she bullies me again I will walk out because I feel helpless during the situation and I’m not going to put myself through an eight hour shift of it.

I do have the gut feeling that they are trying to edge me out of the job because of them reposting the ad today about looking for help in that department. But I’m not surprised, they don’t know how to treat people and you can basically choose your which one describes walmart best below:

– more chiefs than indians
– too many cooks in the kitchen
– wish they new what manage ment
– let the inmates run the asylum

Take your pick they all explain the walmart I work for.


Downward Spiral

Downward Spiral

Like the blood circling the drain in psycho
I can see my life spiralling out of control
Going down the path of depression
Deep despair
I’ve stuck my hand out, looking for help
Will anyone grab it ?
Will anyone help me ?

Or am I destined to drown
I see me drowning personally
I don’t see anyone wanting to save me
I’m a lost cause to most
They have all given up on me.

Guessing most think this is a act

I’ve just started to circle the drain
I just reached out for help
Can you hear my cries ?
Can you see my hand ?

I guess I’m not handsome
I’m more ugly than anything
So I will go unnoticed
If anything drastic happens
I doubt anyone would care

The world only cares about the pretty ones
The handsome
The popular ones
I am none of those


My Life – Behind The Writing – Part 11

So the last few days have been shitty, I’ve had to deal with an annoying as fuck supervisor or as I call her “Stupid-visor” she sends people to do her dirty work more or less.. Then after she does that she has me paged to see if I’m doing the job…

Personally I think the bitch is fucking power hungry and she’s going after the wrong guy when it comes to that. I plan on sitting down with management and talking to them about things because I dislike being treated like a five year old where everything I do I need permission to do.
When I get into work I go out on the floor and work, no questions ask… I usually have two or three jobs done by the time she starts sending workers look for me and I’m usually in the middle of the job that I’m doing by the time they start telling me that I’m doing the job wrong and I can no longer do it.

Think there’s something wrong with her that I’m not running to her every twenty seconds like a fucking dog asking what should I do next…

Now if you take any other job and have someone stand around and not know what to do, they would get bitched at because they should be doing something and they shouldn’t be told what to do they should be able to find things to do. But the problem is she feels the need to want to tell everyone what to do… By everyone it’s mainly just me because I know she doesn’t tell anyone else what to do

At walmart you can fill submit things online so this is what I submitted:

I feel like I’m being disrespected and at times bullied at work by the on supervisor. I don’t know how to spell her name since I have a hard time pronouncing it but I work in the returns department and I know they have two supervisors one named David and the other one being female whose name I have trouble pronouncing so I couldn’t even imagine how to spell it.

Now when I goto work I have the habit of clocking in after I remove my jacket and head up to customer service, grabbing a cart and filling it up and start placing things back on the shelves as that’s my job.
Well this manager has been telling me I’ve been doing the job wrong constantly and insists on paging me and telling me that before I do anything I need to check in with her to make sure it’s “OK” and to make sure I have permission to do so. But she never does this with anyone else, it makes me feel like I’m a five year old back in elementary school who needs to get permission to use the bathroom all over again. I’m 38 years old, prior to my job at walmart I was self employed from 2002 to 2018 now standing around waiting for someone to tell you what you can and can’t do isn’t exactly how you get a job done.

She has also recently started to ask other fellow workers to track me down at work, take things out of my shopping cart and tell me that she (the supervisor) wants me in a certain area. She would then tell me that I’m doing returns wrong because I would travel all over the store doing returns in basically almost every department which last I checked was my job. As customers have came to me asking where certain things are and because of me travelling all over the store I was able to help them out.
She also plays favorites, she’s Filipino or east Indian I don’t really know but she will have others of her culture stay in certain departments and not learn the store as I’ve had customers come up to me and say “you must be the big white guy named Ken I’m looking for” at first I wondered what’s going on.. Then I decided to ask questions and found who it was who directed people to me because I would go all over the store but they wouldn’t.

As of late she would put me in the grocery section of the store which none of her little “in crowd” would ever do. Since it’s her way of trying to contain me to one section of the store. Then she would page me and tell me that I’m not in that area of the store and have a supervisor of that area walk me to that section of the store after she had one of her people do it.

It’s degrading, I feel like I’m being bullied while trying to work and I’m tired of putting up with it.


I am tired of coming home and breaking down into tears from dealing with the bullying that she continues to put me through. I have gone through bullying before and I refuse to go through it again.

My next shift is Friday November 15th, and the moment I walk into that store, if she’s working. I WILL WALK OUT.

UNLESS an agreement is reached.

Her name is something like: Surgdeep <- something like that, a similar pronunciation.

I chose to submit this online because I have trouble talking about such things without getting choked up and frustrated.

Thank you for your time

My Life – Behind The Writing – Part 10

Well today’s the day I may get let go. I decided yesterday that I had enough of walmart and the bullshit that’s going on and it’s time to talk to management about it.

Now I’m still under my 90 days of probation which means I can get fired for farting,coughing or sneezing out of order.. Basically means that I can get let go for basically doing nothing and they don’t have to give me a reason which is why many people don’t stand up and talk about shit because they’re scared that they are going to loose ones job. After coming home in tears last night I decided that fear of loosing my job isn’t even on my mind.
If I do lose it then it’s the best thing for me, if they keep me beyond today and look at making changes.

I work in the returns department and honestly they have too many people working in that department, either that or they think that people do more returns then they actually do.. But for the most part me and I think it’s 8-10 people walk around walmart trying to look busy because there are no returns.

I’m not saying there never are any, but what I’m saying is this… The first person in tends to load up the cart they have with everything possible, the second person does the same thing so by the time the third person and beyond that they have little to nothing to do so teh third person and beyond has maybe 4-5 items at best and to be honest by the time your done those few items and go back there is still nothing waiting for you so you begin to start doing things like walking around the store and zoning places (making shelves look nice) and putting things back where they go, cause you know parents pick up toys for kids then later decide not to buy the item and just put it down anywhere they want so people like me find it and go put it back. Although once again you get like eight people or more doing it and that shit becomes non existant so your once again struggling to find something to do in order to look busy for your eight hour shift. It’s ridiculous to say the lease.

On top of that one of my bosses are east indian with a name that I have trouble pronouncing but I’m sure it’s a common name over where she’s from I don’t really know… But she tends to boss me around, she really doesn’t have to, but in the middle of one job she goes to tell me to do a second job, then later complains the first job isn’t done or that I’m doing things wrong… The way she goes about things she shouldn’t be a boss, I don’t know if she got promoted within that store or if she was promoted in another store and asked to come to this store that she’s in now… But management is going to get a talking to today about her from me and how she doesn’t have to boss me around and have the need to want me to come find her and ask her “what should I do next ?” she’s like an overbearing mother who needs to know what her kids are doing at all times… I think I’m older than her to begin with not to mention I’m kinda use to working by myself without putting up with that crap because my previous experience was self employed so I’m rather good working by myself and finding things to do.

On top of that I was searching on Indeed (job search website) yesterday since after coming home and breaking down in tears I realized I need to find something out, that Walmart posted up looking to hire people for my department… We already have too many people in the department as I stated before hand


My Life – Behind The Writing – Part 9

My day sucked, like hugely sucked… Sadly I’m going in tomorrow to work but also to talk to management… So last week they pulled my cashier numbers but they appear to be giving me two cashier shifts which I don’t understand… Clearly something got fucked up in passing…

Aside from that I can’t work there, there’s a lady whose name I can’t pronounce (yes one of those) and honestly she keeps bossing me around. She doesn’t have to, but she does constantly… I almost fucking lost it on her today… She told me to straight up a couple shelves… in the middle of doing so she sends over a cart for me to put things back on the shelf… then she later bitches about why the shelf didn’t get done… All she does is boss me around, she doesn’t say shit to anyone else, but when David is there I can work without anyone saying much to me… David will say the odd thing but not like this girl… I can’t fucking work with her anymore she’s driving me nuts.

Not only that but the way people work in the department is when they goto customer service for returns everyone has the habit of loading up on all the returns possible so after you get two people who do that, there’s next to nothing for the rest of us to do… at most I had 10 items in my cart today… it was pathetic… Then I had to try to look busy, but there was about eight others of us all trying to do the same shit… It’s fucking ridiculous…

If they’re going to have that many people do the same type of job then they need to do like four hour shifts or something like that… it’s honestly sad because I could have taken a lot more breaks because I didn’t need to be there for eight hours… They even had new people on doing my job as well and I was like “the fuck is this shit ?” … I told Mom if I could give my two weeks tomorrow I would without thinking twice because the way things are going I don’t care if they don’t’ keep me on past the 90 days… It’s not worth it, it’s more stressful me trying to figure out how to spend my day to make it look like I’m “keeping busy”… Tomorrow I’m going to talk to management about a few things, I thought about it all day and honestly I don’t care if I get fired… Since we both know I’m on my 90 day probation so I can get fired for anything if they want me to, they don’t really need a reason… If I get fired tomorrow I wouldn’t care… I was hoping the job was going to pan out into something more, but honestly it’s not…

I had trouble trying to keep busy for 4 hours of my shift and my shift was fucking eight hours.

I know I’m going to have trouble getting a job right now, I know that because of the fact that everyone wants seasonal help and I don’t want that because it wouldn’t be a good spot for me.

The job is more bullshit than what it’s worth… I could do a better job but there’s no room for me to do so… cause I’m fighting to get my hands on shit to put back… on top of that I just went to indeed and guess what…. Walmart is hiring, for the same fucking job that I have right now that I’m complaining about

Mom knows I’m unhappy, very unhappy at the job…
I fought a few times to keep my emotions in check today… I wanted to just fucking let loose on that stupid bitch.

I’ll no doubt be laying in bed watching Netflix when you get home… I’m just exhausted.

My Life – Behind The Writing – Part 8

Welcome to November seventh… Woke up this morning at 8am to look outside and see everything outside coated in fucking white….

We got snow last night, I hate fucking snow… I hate it now more than ever because I’m old, I’m bitter and most importantly now I’m required to go out in it since this year I have a job. I’m dreading having to go out in it today… I’m already sitting at the computer shivering… No it’s not cold in my house, it’s just the thought of going out into the snow covered world. I dislike it.

Most people who hear I’m from Canada think that I’m use to it, or I have snow all year around… Neither which is true… I hate the winter and I always have. I want nothing to do with it.

So that’s how my day started, today I work from 11-7 and I’m sure this stupid white shit will continue to fall from the sky off and on through the day… I already have a gut feeling that they may ask me to shovel it when I’m at work since apparently it’s part of my department (insert eye roll here) …
Although I may get lucky and not have to do so as there is I believe close to twenty others of us in the department right now.

I’m already debating what pairs of shoes do I want to wear on my feet right now… I’m thinking my Jordan’s cause my other ones are so thin I can see my feet freezing if I have to be outside for long.

Well that’s how my life is looking today…


Shattered Mind

Shattered Mind

What I use to like
I don’t like anymore
I have a hard time getting interesed in those things

I struggle
I fight
I get depressed
I’m not the old me I once was.

I feel like I’m more lost now
I feel like I have an emptiness in my eyes
Trying to find out who I am
Trying to find out what I enjoy

I’ve packed things away in a drawer
I feel like I’ve packed away my enjoyment
But I struggle
Oh do I struggle with everything

As of late I feel like when I struggle and fail
I get more depressed
Then I feel like I’ve dug my hole deeper

I’ve noticed that I walk around work as a shell
I struggle to smile when customers approach me
I struggle even more to make conversation when employees talk
Scared that I’m going to say the wrong thing

Never been good in the world of talking
There’s no coming out of my shell
This is how I am
I get brief moments when I think someone likes me
Then my mind goes back to questioning why would it be true
I walk the earth like I’m blue

Always sad
Always got a cloud above me pouring down upon me
Find it easier to look at the ground
Find it more difficult to make eye contact
Figured they’ll see something they don’t like
Much like everyone else whose been in my life

They’re just doing drive bys
As they wave.

Nobody really stops in my life
They just look for the nearest off ramp
Then they continue the drive


Had To Spend The Money

Bought a cheap phone
Thought I’d try a new brand
Nothing but problems
Thought it got fixed
Two days later
Nothing but problems

Came home from work
Dropped around two hundred on a new phone
Hopefully no more problems
New phone shows up tomorrow
Old phone already packed up to be sent back

Had to spend the money
Couldn’t do cheap shit anymore
It just didn’t pan out for me
Want a quality product


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