I have learned over the last two days that my brain and the rest of my body appears to be rather depressed. I find myself doing nothing except sitting my fat ass infront of the tv and letting my mind goto mush no matter if I really want to do this or not.
While watching tv, my body gives in and constantly sleeps and all it wants to do is sleep 90% of the time no matter how much my brain fights it and says to the rest of me all I want to do
I’ve gotten to the point where I won’t even fight it anymore, if my body wants to sleep I let it fall asleep…
I feel like everyone is against me.
Lost in a world where I had little friends to begin with.
I continue to try to navigate through my life.
But. It just seems to be that much more difficult.
Feeling that there is a secret that they are keeping from me.
I’m the butt of the joke
I don’t know what else to say.
I try to be honest but at times I feel like it’s just a one way street.
Continues to look ahead, but I feel like I’m being held up in the commotion.
I never know what to do with myself.
Trying to make the most of my time here.
Feeling like my wheels are spinning and I’m standing still.
I know Stan has inspired thousands of people in many ways, it was sad and a huge shock to hear that he passed away and yes he even inspired yours truly.. I’ve always liked the idea of superheros, thinking that someone could take away from some of the injustice’s of the world.
Back in 2011 and 2012 I wrote what became to be known as Unknown Superhero, basically a superhero who was completely unknown, but what I decided to do was something a bit different. I didn’t make him a mutant, I didn’t give him super powers. I made him the average guy in a costume and what I did was for a month or so I kept an eye on two local news papers online and anything bad that happened like I remember one was a car accident involving a car and a train. I would rewrite the story where the unknown superhero came in and saved the day. I know it wasn’t much, I know it never got pushed as a comic book since it never was an actual comic book but that’s how I did it.
It was simple, I kind of planned on doing it longer and doing more of it with perhaps different heroes but that never did happen, it lasted only the two releases.
So if your interested in reading my two short releases
Who knows they may come back, with a new look. Since lets face it, with the person being completely unknown it could come back 1000 times and can have 500 new looks.
Been told recently that I should make my own happiness
What if happiness doesn’t exist for me ?
What if I can’t find things that make me happy for long periods of time
It’ll continue to elude me as I search for it
Like a treasure map with a disappearing X on it
Just when I think I’ve found it, it vanishes
Is that possible, am I just chasing something that doesn’t exist
Something that everyone else can find but not me
Not even pills can help
Not even pills can help trick my brain into happiness
Life is dark, gloomy and grim
Not sure if I can even see a light at the end of the tunnel
At times I can understand why certain people do certain things.
Others look for answers to the questions, but I get it.
Maybe they tried searching and just couldn’t find it
Maybe it was a group effort and they were roaming solo
Maybe it was a group effort as I continue to search solo
Continue to search solo
What if I was on my path for happiness and I lost it
Is it possible to find it again
Is it possible
When I first started to write under the name Kennie Kayoz it was for two big reasons, one being I didn’t want to write under my real name.
The second was I was trying to fit in with fans of the music I was listening to constantly at the time so my writing was violent and hate filled.
If you fast forward number of years later, that has changed drastically and I’m now writing under my real name.
Life has continued on, the couple hasn’t seen the man stalking them for about two weeks, no phone calls or anything.
As he moves on with his life he ventures into a grocery store where much like normal people he has to buy groceries and he runs into an old friend talking with another friend. He stops, politely says “Hello” when his friend’s friend boyfriend looks at him and says “you better keep your hands off my girl”.. He gently places his hand on his girlfriends shoulder, smiles at her. Lifts his hand off looks at him and flicks him in the forehead and walks away without saying anything else.
He continues to do his grocery shopping without anymore problems, when he was done he went through the check out and ventured back to his car where he loaded his groceries into his car. Hopped in and drove off, but he didn’t take his normal route home he decided to take a bit of an extended drive that was more out of his way then anything, he took a drive by that house. Yes the same house he spent almost a week stalking and causing horror and panic to the occupants inside..
As he drove by he noticed that the third parties work truck was in the driveway, having snowed recently it looked as if the truck was there overnight, he never came to a complete stop but he just coasted by the house, was it worth his time to rehash old wounds and to continue what he once started, or is it best just to move on. Was it worth it ? He presented her boyfriend and she didn’t even seem to care.
The thoughts he pondered through his mind as he continued to drive by her house, leaning towards the thought of it wasn’t worth it. He ventured off into the night.