First Few Days Of April

Hello Folks;

As we all know we’re now in April and just three days into it, well tomorrow (wedneday 4th) is the day that my xbox live gold subscription ends, knowing the way xbox is they will no doubt give me the entire day before it actually ends so in one way it will just end on the 5th. I’ve planned for this for quite sometime I have lots of games I haven’t played and honestly I went on some sort of spending rampage racking up quite the bill of games that I would like to play in the near future. I honestly think the games I have will no doubt last me for a good year or maybe two it will depend on how frequently I play them plus it will also depend on how long each game is. I still have games that I’ve started and barely have gotten 2% into and have moved onto something else. Not only that but it wouldn’t surprise me if between now and when I finish my games that a new game might come into my hands between now and then on a few occasions I know I’ve talked to my girlfriend about getting FarCry 5 at some point in time, I’m still working on FarCry 4 truthfully and I’m only about I think 40% done it, I have to say it’s a long long game, or maybe it’s cause I did a bunch of the side missions and things like that before diving into the actual story so that my character already had a bunch of crap that he unlocked prior to doing the missions and I basically have everything unlocked for my character before I crossed over to the second part of the island (or land mass or country… ) I’m not saying that it makes the game that much easier but who knows maybe it does since this is my first time playing it and running around solo doing the offline version, what can I say I have zero friends online.. Most of the time I have random people add me for one reason or another but I guess they figure that I’m going to swoop in and save them, but truthfully that’s not going to happen since tomorrow as I said is the last day that I’ll be playing online.

I have learned one thing… Xbox does two big sales a year, they do a summer sale and a Christmas sale, the difference from being a regular and a gold membership ? … 10% So I will still come across sales twice a year and that’s fine.

Last year when I had to renew my xbox gold I really hesitated and I waited until the last day before I actually did it, I more so did it for the gaming discounts because I’m not a online gamer. I more so play with myself… (cue the dirty thoughts) . I’m fine with that though. I know more and more Xbox is bringing 360 games to the world of backwards compatibility so here’s hoping that they bring forth some of the games that I own and it will allow me to play more items without having to worry about it.

So that’s where I stand in terms of my Xbox gaming.

Lets see what all else is going on with me, I’ve struggled with some thoughts recently some sad thoughts. I guess the nightmare or two that I had didn’t help the situation with that either.

Been thinking alot about me this year though, I’ve came to the conclusion that I’m 36 and I have no life path whatsoever. Some people plan there lives out, others follow the parental footsteps and do what there parents do. I honestly don’t know what I want to do, I’ve tried getting an actual job and nobody has hired me at this point. I dread this year because companies are closing up because of the minimum wage hike, what will make things worse is it’s suppose to go up again in 2019… So I can see that not helping me.
I sit here and I look at the rest of this year and I don’t know what is going to happen with me this year in all honesty. I know I will no doubt continue to write and release stuff when I have ideas or when something triggers a thought.

I want to do something more than write poetry, as I’ve said before I’ve tried short stories or stories the problem is I get frustrated / bored with things so quickly that the idea leaves me and I end up giving up on things which is why certain releases I’ve done recently happened the way they did.

I would never blame anyone for what goes on in my head besides me, I’m the one who has to be alone with myself and live with my own thoughts, I know I have a girlfriend who will gladly listen to me ramble about anything possible if it would help me out and I’m greatful for that but at the end of the day I’m still alone with my own thoughts and have to listen to those voices. I know I’ve said to her a dozen times if not more that I’ve wanted to run away and show up at her place and be with her just so that I wouldn’t be alone with my own thoughts but I know at some point in time I would end up being alone with my own thoughts.

I know that I write in the positive sense because I’ll be the first one to tell everyone “I wouldn’t want anyone else to know what’s going on inside of my head besides me” I more so say that because life is a complicated place and I know many people run through there own personal struggles on a day to day basis so why have anymore. I’m not worried if people would call me “psycho” or shit like that, been called names like that enough through high school they all lost all meaning.

So there ya go, it’s not even the fourth day in April and that’s already what’s going through my mind.



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