It is 1:45am

So here I sit, it’s 1:45am and I’ve already been in bed for a few hours.. I actually crawled into bed around 8pm because I’m on some medication that as of late food hasn’t been staying in me.. You know the expression “faster than shit through a goose ?” Perhaps you heard it from someone older than you or perhaps you just heard it now coming from yours truly, well right now I think there is something that happens faster than shit through a goose and it’s shit through a Kennie, more importantly this Kennie.

So these pills have basically made my stomach into a punching bag, which I did get warned when I started to take them that they would be tough on my stomach and trust me they’re not kidding.. Usually making multiple trips to the bathroom in a day so much so that I don’t even know if any of the food at times is in me enough for me to gain anything from it. Which has been causing me to go to bed early because by around 7pm I’m pretty fucking worn out and my tolerance for people is at a all time low by that point in time since I just want to sleep. Which this tends to mean that I’m usually awake around the hour of midnight and I’m fine with that and I tend to be awake for a few hours doing a few things which generally involves working on one of my websites and making a few changes to one of them or sitting here and scratching my balls wondering whose online and if anyone that I care to talk to will actually reply to me.

But usually by this time for the last few days anyone I want to talk to is usually in bed or away from the devices they use so the chance of me getting any sort of response is slim to none, so that becomes a last resort for what I want to do. This then has me attempting to write if anything comes to mind and to be honest as of late I’ve been getting a bit bored of writing poetry, I think the reason for that is because I do it so frequently and so rapidly at times that it almost becomes a blur to me. Certain times I’m just bored of it and wanting to write something else but I don’t know what else to write so what happens ? … More poetry happens to come out of me, I do have ideas to write but it’s just putting these ideas together because at times things sound good in my head but I don’t know if things would transfer to paper the way they sound in my head..

What can I say at times I get rather bored and when I get bored I get rather spontaneous which I don’t know if that’s a good thing or not.. For example today I got bored when I looked in the mirror and thought “what the fuck am I going to do with my hair” since it’s getting to the point of actually having to style it… I stared at myself for about five minutes before I said “fuck this, I’m shaving my head”.. Me shaving my head isn’t something completely new to me, I’ve done it countless times before and I will do it countless times in the future it’s more or less me just getting frustrated or bored with my hair and not knowing what else to do with it so I shave it off thinking it’s one less thing I have to think about…

When I get bored I also tend to question many things, for example the last few days I’ve been questioning my blog, is wordpress where I want to be with my blog ? Or should I move it else where… Am I happy with my current website or should I just shut it down and point everything towards my blog ? … Am I happy with my current state of writing, should I be writing about something different.. Honestly these just tend to keep me awake at night and questioning things further, but in the past me sticking with one web host for long was an odd thing.. I say it was an odd thing because I tend to bounce between two or three different web hosts thinking a different host would give me something better, or would having my site on a place like Wix be better for me ?

Honestly at times I get tired of doing my own site, I find it frustrating, I find myself questioning everything about it… but then I look at myself and say honestly I’m no doubt the lease interesting person on this planet why would anyone search me out or search out the idea of me doing all this stuff that I do.. I admit it my sites are rather boring and I’ve spent money to try to make them more better but it doesn’t really work because I tend to just sit there scratching my head questioning if what I did was the best thing for me.. So then after a few days or a week my mind freaks out and I’m back to square one of creating shit myself and saying to myself “I can do things better myself than anything else” even though no matter what it doesn’t overly matter because it all showcases the same crap just with a different face on it, but nobody cares to look at the crap I want to showcase… At which point in time I no doubt loose my mind a bit more and start questioning if I want to give up on everything…

Which isn’t exactly what one wants, at times I wonder how people put up with me I start questioning everything and I know I’ve even asked my girlfriend 101 times if I should move my blog elsewhere but she keeps telling me to keep it where it is.. I think she’s concerned that if I move it elsewhere then I’ll want to move it to some place different after that and she’ll be stuck with 101 subscriptions to things and not knowing where I’m going to post next or maybe she’s hoping that something will happen to snap me out of my current state of mind… But I doubt much will change

As of late I’ve been thinking about getting out of writing, just trying my hand at something else, I don’t really know what else though.. I had the brief though of trying music again which is a thought but I don’t know how that will go.. But I guess I can give it a try and see what happens, I also had the thought of doing something with video but I don’t know what to do about that one either… I guess just random video shorts and seeing what happens.. I think it’s more so that I have Coyotes Publishing and I’m using the platform for who knows what.. So far nothing has overly worked for me that I’ve tried so I don’t know what else to try since I doubt anything else will overly work for me… I guess I’m always up for trying something new it’s just a matter of trying to find what that something new is that I want to try….

Kennie

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