What’s Wrong With Me ?

So after yesterday or the day before when I typed up and shared “I’m Such A Hypocrite” I remember clicking publish to showcase that shit to the world and walking away. I walked away from the computer and went upstairs and sat on the floor, looking outside as it rained and watching the water wash dirt off of everything. Even though that’s not really possible since we really haven’t had much of anything happen to get dirt on anything but for the sake of things we’ll go with it.

As I sat I got thinking, I truly am a hypocrite.. I don’t really give a shit about people I don’t know about. Cause it’s true I don’t. I have never been one of those people.

Yes this same guy who types this is the same guy who has gone to Catholic schools ever since elementary and while in grade seven and eight he was an altar boy.. I guess that means I still am an altar boy… I suppose. But even when I was I didn’t really care much about the fellow man even though that’s one of the things that got pushed on us in Catholic schools was the love for the fellow man… Now I could make a wise crack and because of it being me I will do so right… HERE -> … Now I’ll gladly love the fellow woman 😉 😉

Anyways the only one I cared about is really me, it’s hard to love someone else when as you grew up you constantly got bullied and harassed yet many of you may say “turn the other cheek” .. Yeah I have a hard time doing that much like everyone else… I’ve often been told “look at the other hand” … which is another way of saying “look at the other side of things” now the only way I was going to look at my other hand was if the fuckers who were tormenting me were soaked in gas and my other hand had a lit match… Then I clearly knew what my purpose was and that was to ignite the problem (or problems)..  Yeah I know you can look at me as some deranged lunatic for saying exactly what I just said but I’m sure in that situation I’m wouldn’t have been alone, since I also know that during those times I thought about taking my own life. What can I say I wanted things to stop and I felt like I exorcised all my options.

I will tell you this though, life gives you an interesting ride, going from grade 7 and 8 being an Altar Boy to being bullied and harassed all through high school before I dropped out, while thinking about taking my own life. To spending the last five years or so of my life seeking out what I thought I was looking for was the light in my life, happiness, forgiveness and perhaps to let the man above back into my life…

But then it happened…..



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