From the first day of my life, I had the trouble
I always thought it would be something that I grew out of.
When my intelligence grew it would I would be able to solve for X
Never meant to have friends
Don’t know how to talk to them
Always meant to walk this earth alone
That way I don’t have to worry about saying the wrong thing
Nobody would have to worry when I was hung from a string
Figured it was something that I would grow into
But I never was one who had many of them around
No matter male or female, always had trouble with the communication skills
It was something that was my emotional kill
I’m best left alone
So you don’t have expectations about me
Cause the moment those grow in your head
Is the moment I’m destined to fail
No wonder why I live in the middle of nowhere
It’s a life lesson for those who want me near
They should have plenty of thought before they come see me
So they are aware of the mistake that they are about to make
As you get older you think for a moment that you have gone past that age.
But people still choose to pretend
Making up lies, being deceitful
Like it’s some sort of land of make believe
I guess while you’ve grown up, some haven’t
You try to live your life to the best that you know how
Still having to dodge people like this
Just cause the package looks pretty on the outside
It’s not always what your getting on the inside
Sometimes things look soft as cotton
Yet it’ll leave your mind rotten
Making you second guess life choices
As you tend to start to listen to your own inner voices.
Nobody cares they’re just pretending
So they can toy with your emotions
I know nothing is going to be alright.
This has been happening so frequently now.
I know I’m a difficult person
Yet another time you blew me off
Not even how I like it, like a Nintendo cartridge
Why wouldn’t you expect me to blow up and lose my shit
No call, no text message, nothing but silence.
You tell me you love me, but I question that shit all the time.
You’ve never been treated this way.
As everyone would go and get you when they want you
Thursday I spent time in the bathroom, puking from the stress you caused
You win, you have successfully pushed me away
I have actually thrown my hands up and walked away
But it’s what you want, since all I get is excuses.
I’ve tried to teach you, but there isn’t no teaching you
I’m at my wits end
You sit and make false promises which you know would fall through
But yet you make them anyway, like you have to promise me the world
When you have problems delivering a small nugget of it
I talk to you about it, your only response is “I know”
But you don’t, either that or you just don’t give a shit about me
Maybe that’s it, maybe you don’t care and afraid to tell me.
You question everytime I say that
Then you turn around and say “I’m shy”
Well if your so shy, maybe it’s true.. Your just too scared to say it.
I’m giving up
Tired of putting out invites for those who don’t come through
Tired of making plans for those who just flat out ignore me
I’m tired of this shit
I’m tired of you treating me like this
I FUCKING GIVE UP
Take the words you say to me
Change it around for someone who actually cares
Cause it’s all coming outta your ass
Fuck your friends
They don’t deserve to know me
As you have got on my last nerve
They can continue to talk
Out there ass
Just like everything going on in my life
Very few people get to stay in my life for long
As I get tired of them so they leave
Out my ass
I really don’t care what anyone has to say about me
Cause they’re mostly just an asshole plunger
I’m tired of the mental pain that you’ve been causing me
Stressing me out the ass
In I go
Up it goes
But nah it doesn’t
Cause it never did fit
You’ll never see it again
Life is lonely
Life is depressing
I spend most of my life alone, listening to the echoes
The echoes that go through my mind whenever something is said to me.
It bounces around like a ball, but it doesn’t stop.
Then the loneliness sets in, even more quiet.
Quiet which is 90% of my life, being left alone.
I try to get myself away from it.
But it’s not easy, the lonely feeling consumes me
It makes me depressed, I question everything.
Including you and me, why I do this, and my existence.
I struggle with my existence
I look for things to take me out of it. To take my mind out.
Nothing works for long, I drift back.
It will be the death of me
When I was younger so much I wanted to do
I wanted to get some ink for things that I like
Wanted to grow my hair longer spike it or braid it and dye it red.
But as I got older I have found out so much that my brain won’t let me do
It changes it’s mind and thought patterns so quickly
I’ve had many things in my life that one minute I wanted to do.
Few days later that changed, and I was glad I didn’t do them.
I know ink is almost permanent, not sure if my brain would allow that.
My brain, well it has grown to dislike my hair.
For the longest time I kept shaving it with electric razor
As of late I’ve been shaving it when I shave my face
Each day I fight with my brain over something
Struggles each day become more and more
I’ve given up on so much that I enjoyed doing
Just cause my brain struggled with it