Posted in Poetry

Imma Just Do Me

For the last countless years of my life, I tried to fit in with groups.
Willing to wear masks, paint my face and write murderously
In hopes of being accepted, in hopes of finding acceptance.

Last year I put all that behind me when I dropped my writing name
Picked up my real name and said..

Imma just do me
Imma just do me
Imma just do me

Anything my mind feels, it’s going to come out.
Any subject I want to speak on, it’ll be spoke
May not be the most politically correct
But since when does that matter anymore

I remember when I took the leap I was nervous
Didn’t know if I was up for it, didn’t know if I would regret it.
Think I always secretly hated my writing name, was ashamed of it.

But I didn’t want to use my real name, cause I know how my family gets.
If they seen my old writing, they would freak out.
Was already sent to a psychiatrist for writing something.

Yup back in high school.
But from here on out

Imma just do me
Imma just do me
Imma just do me


Posted in Poetry

Knock Knock

Knock Knock
I’m no longer letting you in
It’s about time that you leave this place
Cause I no longer want to see your face.

Knowing what you were like when we’re together
I know your tricks, your lies and the bullshit you say.
You’ve continued to try to lay it on thick and do the same since we’re not together.
No longer do I enjoy spending time with you, it’s more of a hassle than anything.

I know your constantly on your tablet trying to offer your pussy to whoever wants it.
The rest of the world can have it, just wait till they find what it’s attached to.
I’m sure you tell all of them “omg he treats me like shit and abuses me”
But yet your still living in my house, while you spread those lies.

At first I said I would be there for you when you needed me, but those words have faded away.
You are now on your own, once you leave this house my communication will be limited at best
As I continue to be a nice guy, I’ve taken note of all the shit you’ve said, done and how you act
I know I’m not the only one who’ve kept a close eye on you.

I hope you end up getting pregant while your still living here.
I won’t have a problem kicking the pregant girl out in the cold.
That thing that would be in you, isn’t mine and you think I’m going to let you live here
No longer my problem, you can go live with your parents, don’t care if they’re in a seniors community

Your there child, your there responsibility.
But I see them trying to pass you off to whoever will take you and feeding you lies too.
Wonder what the big family secret is since they won’t help you.
They keep giving you money at christmas to help your future

But they won’t help your present state.
Which is funny cause they take off on 4-5 vacations each year
Yet they cry that they don’t have any money.

Knock Knock
I’m no longer letting you in
It’s about time that you leave this place
Cause I no longer want to see your face.


Posted in Poetry

On The Outside Looking In

During the month of December, I always feel like I’m on the outside looking in.
Everyone is close with family and friends.
I’ve always struggled with doing just that.
Sitting back and watching I try to grasp what’s going on, yet it’s tough to do so.

I watch others wrap gifts with ease and put them under the tree.
When it comes to my turn, I struggle with it, I struggle with all aspects of it.
Including struggling with buying gifts for people, even though lists have been made.
The struggle is real with me and it makes me feel more useless than ever.

Often wondered if something was wrong with me with how much I struggle .
But find it very difficult to explain things to people or to talk about it.
I continue to watch from the outside as I look in, similar to window shopping.
This year seems particularly difficult, I’ve also had trouble being alone.

So I attempt to push myself to go hang out with relatives, yet I sit quiet.
I say very little and when I’m called upon I struggle to speak
Hearing my voice shake, feeling my body do the same.
It makes me want to stop and give up and get angry with myself.

Once again feeling like something is wrong with me, I doubt anything can fix it
I doubt anyone can fix it. Sadly at times I get like that talking to friends through text.
When they find out, they ask why. I can’t explain it. I guess communication is difficult.
It’s like static is on my brain, it intercepts my communication making me struggle more.


Posted in Poetry

The Way You Act

The way you act says a lot about you to me.
Trying to be nice and polite, spending time with you watching netflix.
Asking the odd question at times not even during the show I hear your attitude.
As I hear it more and more I take note and I start doing things more for me, less for you.

Took off to Cambridge for about five days, you never found out till the day before.
I debated about saying anything to you about it, but when I found out I should bring food
That told me I had to get into a town, so that’s when it came out.
Then today, holy shit today.

You seem to think that I don’t know what’s going on, fuck I know you got a date.
Your going to your work’s Christmas Party.. I know the asshole your going with.
I also know you enjoy talking shit about me, but yet your still living in my house.
Give it time, my patients is like ice and it’s wearing thin.. Thin ice breaks easily.

I know you’ll never admit it to me about you going on dates or having a boyfriend.
Why would you ?..
But yet you’ll give me attitude when others aren’t around, it’s fine..
I’ve started not play those games too.

I’ve always had anxiety about the fire, Mom doesn’t understand it. You say you do
But with your attitude your the one putting wood on it, I know it’s a bit heavy.
Your no doubt whining to your mom about doing it..
But if you don’t speak up to me, I won’t know.

I bet if you come home tonight from this party and you find out I didn’t eat.
You’ll get pissy, honestly I won’t even care.
I learned something about myself while away in Cambridge.
When I’m around you, I snack and eat no matter if I’m hungry or not.

When your not around, I don’t. I will only do so if I’m hungry
No wonder I’ve lost weight since we’ve split.
When your stressed you run right for the food.
I’ve looked at my own life since that day.

Have been making changes ever since.
Tonight, I’m going to have a ME evening for a few hours.
Going to enjoy it.
Got a few things planned


Posted in Poetry

Over and Over

Seems like it’s the same thing over and over at times.
Must be fall cause the television is on repeats.
You’ve seen this show so much you know what’s going to happen
You know the next word out of the persons mouth

Nothing seems to change, nothing attempts to change
Sitting and waiting cause that’s what you hope.
But each day is just like the last, everything is exactly the same.
Everything continues over and over.

Like being stuck in fucking groundhog day, you know if you try
Nothing is going to change, no matter how hard you try.
You already know the end result.
You know that , but at times you try anyway

By the end of the day you just want to goto bed as soon as you can.
To shut yourself off from the world.
Hopefully tomorrow something will breathe new life into you.
But we all know it’ll be the same thing over and over.

Broken record ?
Television in the fall ?
either way you put it, it’s my life and I know nothing is going to change.
Some people care, but most people don’t about me and those numbers grow


Posted in Poetry

Want Love ?

Want love ?
Your going to have to go through pain
Your going to have to go through a struggle

If you like how your life is now, it’s going to change.
It might be in a good way
But you’ll also have bad times, but it’s not just your bad times.
Your going to have to talk about it, cause they usually know when your hiding it

Could be times when others get involved when you don’t want them to
But all you can do is sit and wait patiently, as it wears thin on you
Knowing that you can’t do anything while it happens
The only choices you have is sit and listen or walk

Inside when things happen that are out of your control you die a little inside.
At times you feel trapped and helpless as everything happens, but nothing you can do

Want love ?
Your going to have to go through pain
Your going to have to go through a struggle


Posted in Poetry

Had About Enough

I’ve had about enough.
People tell me one thing, they do another.
Or they hide from me, I guess I’m some kind of monster

Can’t be one that they talk to, or try to reason with. Must hide, only way.
Guess that’s the case, guess this is what I have to look forward with this face
The thing that is hideous, scary and causes nightmares.

Always been the firm believe of if someone wants to run, not to chase
Why bother chase, too much work, when little to no enjoyment after it.
I guess if people want to run away from me and hide, I should let them.

It’s what they want, clearly. Nothing more needs to be said.
When the world sends a monster with thousands running away
The monster doesn’t question why, he lets them, he continues to be himself

The monster inside
The monster inside
The monster inside ?

Wow and when I thought I knew people, just when I thought I knew people.
Clearly they throw me a curve ball which makes me question things.
Did I know them as well as I thought