The Day After

Here I sit the day after.. Reminiscing
There was no confetti, no streamers, no big party
I’m not much of a party person, I tend to spend most time alone.

Watching netflix on my birthday, I took the entire day to watch a ten episode show
After a few episodes I would break off and go do something else, my mind wouldn’t stop
It was nice to make a show last for a day.

Around 4pm Mom called me from the cottage, for the last at least twenty years she would take off up there, spending thanksgiving with a group of people.
The group would change over the years as people would pass as they tend to do so.

Mom later called me around six, seemed a bit odd two phone calls in a day, she then told me that Uncle Bill passed away.
He’s been fighting cancer, at times we got good news, other times not so much.

On October 4th Mom told me he was given two weeks to live, I couldn’t imagine.
But it turned out the next day is when his body called it quits.
He’s in a better place now.

We would always talk sports, his favorite was baseball. He was a stats man
He also told me about a documentary about Trailer Park Boys that he seen. It was them just starting out. I’ve thought about checking out the show on a few occasions. I haven’t done so.

I’ve talked about it a bit more recently, I don’t know if I will or not.
I have mixed feelings about doing so.
Was hoping a few different things for yesterday.

Simple things like nice weather, thought about going for a walk maybe but it was cool, it rained in the afternoon so it got brushed off.
Wanted to see my girlfriend, she got called into the hospital. I’m understanding about it

I know she feels bad that she didn’t get a chance to come over. But I know we’ll get together to celebrate since I know how much it bugged her that she didn’t get the chance.

I also wish I didn’t get that bad news, but I guess being 37 I would rather get it on the day rather than the next day and feel like it was being held from me because of my birthday. If I was younger I could understand why one would hold that news. Now it just seems like a fact of life.


Dear @kj52

Dear KJ;

Let me introduce myself to you, my name is Kennie and I want to thank you for shining light onto what appeared to be a very dark life.
I first stumbled upon your stuff through a page on wikipedia, I looked up another white rapper, perhaps you heard of him.. None other than Eminem
In a section called comparisons with other artists, it mentions you and to be honest when I first read it I laughed when I put the words christian and hip-hop together
At the time most of the hip hop I would be listening to would be a complete 180 as it’s called horrorcore.

To whom it may concern
To whom it may concern
To whom it may concern

Dear KJ;

The first track I heard from you was none other than Dear Slim, your words and style was sounding different to me, way different.
As I listened I started to feel the weight get lifted off my shoulders as I started to look back at my life, as I learned more about you.
First comparison I made was we’re both Christians, always been but it’s been kind of pushed aside along the way of my life.
Back in elementary school I even dawned the white robe and was an altar boy, something I generally don’t say much since we both know that a stigma goes along with that.
The month I came across you my iTunes bill went up, I couldn’t get enough of listening to you, it washed many other words and images.

To whom it may concern
To whom it may concern
To whom it may concern

Dear KJ;

Over the last year I’ve been touching on many grey subjects, nothing incredibly dark but it definitely hasn’t been that light either.
Went through a break up, still living with my ex so we both have good and bad days together.
I’ve always been that nice guy and with knowing she doesn’t have much coin to her name I would rather see her live with me than be homeless.
Sadly not many people understand that and I know I’ve pulled my hair out on more than one occasion over things that have gone on between me and her.
Anyway that’s all I really have to say, just a bout four hundred words from a poet up in Canada.

To whom it may concern
To whom it may concern
To whom it may concern


Unnamed Poem

Is there a difference between me and a monster ?
At times I really don’t think so
Walking alone during the day and night

It really doesn’t matter to me what you say about me
I have grown not to overly care how you see me
Judging by the exterior is the way society has treated us

I can’t really say that I’m full of any complex emotions
Nor am I filled of any complex thoughts or words
I’m a very simple person, perhaps simple is what made me stupid

I continue to move around in this world at times I don’t know why
I never say the right thing, at times I do and those times I’m surprised
Never thought any sort of intelligence would come out of my mouth


Are You Ready To Fall

Have you learned in life that there’s more than one way down
Just when you think for a moment you are going up, you’ll realize
Up is just a figment of your imagination, but down is a constant plummet

Are you ready ? Are you ready to fall
Are you ready ? Are you ready to have the rug pulled out from under you ?
Are you ready ? Are you ready to question everything you know ?

I’m thirty six and I’ve yet to learn what it’s like to stand on my own two feet
But I’ve learned what it’s like to have everything pulled out from under me
Never one to know what it’s like to understand why life is this way

Just for a moment before having it pulled out from underneath
Just when I thought I found happiness, Just when I thought I knew what was going on
Whoosh the rug pulled out from under me, the grass cracked and falling yet again

Back in the day I wanted to be a sports caster, always studying the latest happenings
Then I started to hear the voice behind me, making fun of the way I talk
Even in class while I was reading out loud I could still hear that voice over mine

Every word I read I fought the tears, if you ever looked into my mother fucking eyes
You would have seen it, not a single one dripped down from my face to the book
The tone in my voice stayed shaky like it always was even when I talked

The voice I kept hearing from people grew itself inside my head and wouldn’t leave.
It turned into something I couldn’t escape from, my once dream was flushed away
Didn’t know what to do with my life at that point, was the only one who had no dream

My writing began, as my darkness started to come out, the helpless fight
I would write, nobody would read it, it stayed hidden in my room
The anger and frustration grew, writing turned out not to be enough

One night I found it in my desk drawer, it was shiny and I wondered about it
I began practicing in myself in spots that nobody would see, easy things to cover up
Got brave one night, did my arm, was caught twice, made up one lie the first time

The second time was someone else, I looked at her and took off out of school
Next day I dropped out, she never heard or seen anything from me for countless years
Still have the scare to this day, still hearing that same voice in my head, still fighting

Are you ready ? Are you ready to fall
Are you ready ? Are you ready to have the rug pulled out from under you ?
Are you ready ? Are you ready to question everything you know ?

Many times still fighting back the tears when you hear your own voice
Those comments still come back to my mind
At times I feel like it’s going to happen again

Are you ready ? Are you ready to fall
Are you ready ? Are you ready to have the rug pulled out from under you ?
Are you ready ? Are you ready to question everything you know ?


One Way

We all have our own thoughts on what would make a perfect society
No matter one’s up bringing we all have our own thoughts for it.
I don’t think either one of us is 100% right, nor 100% wrong.

We all hold pieces to the puzzle to make a perfect society
Even Hitler thought his idea for society was perfect, we looked at him as crazy.
Saddam was no different, we looked at him the same way.

Every group known to mankind has there own reflection of perfection.
I don’t think anyone is 100% right, nor 100% wrong
Until we all can figure out what the right way is, we will all struggle.

Each of us will have small struggles, the world will have large struggles.
Each country thinks they’re doing it right, each country has there own wrongs
Currently the way society is projected, is being forced upon each and everyone

We all have rules and regulations to live by, some we agree some we don’t.
I’m not saying that we’re 100% right, nor 100% wrong
But it will take a larger group for a change to happen.

I’m not talking a large group of people with weapons, that’s called a war.
Sadly I don’t think this planet will survive another war on the world sized scale
Think it would all come down to a push of a button, BOOM! that’s all, nothing left.

The way the world is going in this day in age, we have lots of little wars.
So many shootings in so many communities, nobody knows what’s going on.
How many innocent victims have we lost ?. Being at the wrong place, wrong time.

How many lives ruined, how many families shattered, how many questions asked ?
Yet we still have no answers
I look at the younger generation that’s growing up, I don’t know if I agree with things

Not sure if they’re being raised right, or wrong.
Will they even have a world to live in when they hit late 30s ?
I don’t know what my future will hold

At times I wonder if I’ll even be around to grow old


Never Meant To Be

Never meant to be on this planet
At times I think I’m ahead of my time
But I don’t think others will realize that until after my demise

I very well will be the one they study in textbooks in the future
No longer Shakespeare or Edgar Allan Poe
Someone more modern

Someone people might be able to relate to
Sooner than later the past get’s replaced by the more present
My mind drifts in and out

I get swallowed deep inside of myself
Swimming around wondering what’s coming next
Stare up into the stars at night

Wondering if they will ever take me back home
Or will I remain my days here
Struggling on this planet


Voices In My Head

Voices in my head again, they’re trapped in my own skin, at war again
They all want out to say there own thing
It’s becoming very tough to keep them all contained

Getting agitated very easily
At times it doesn’t take a whole lot to do so.
They don’t even want to listen to whose in charge

They all want there own chance to break free
To run wild on the pages sat before me
I close my eyes tight to try and keep content

Voices in my head again, they’re trapped in my own skin, at war again
They all want out to say there own thing
It’s becoming very tough to keep them all contained


Little Do You Know

Little do you know, while your gabbing with friends
I’m getting your bags packed and getting you ready for your end
Of your time in this house.
Your entire life line is in my hands

I’ve got your whole world in my hands
I’ve got your whole world in my hands

Now you need surgery we shall see how ungrateful you are
I’ve gotten to my wits end with things
Like you I can hide shit too
But I only have one move left.

Your friends, I ain’t scared of them
Nor do I give a fuck about there threats toward me.
Bunch of fuckin wannabe’s, who are scared to grow a pair.
If they thought I was that evil, they should have stepped in to move you out.

But they just want to use your pussy to turn you out
Get that on video tape then hold it over your head
That’s all they ever wanted from you
Knowing that you were that dumb and easy.

Being played like a fiddle by those who say they’re here for you.
They only want to get you in bed
Then you’ll be an after thought, tossed aside.

But right now they got you swimming in thoughts
Of a paradise that awaits you once you get out of this house
So your biting your tongue so I don’t hear the real you
I already know what your up to.

Your on thin ice as it is.
I told you, that you could be here while you recover
What I didn’t tell you is I’ll be like security and always hover.
As if I need another reason to send you out the front door.


Blood Drips

It’s time to drain you of your life force
You never did deserve for your heart to keep beating
As you walk this planet slowly but your mind keeps retreating.
Trying to lie in order to get through life

Thinking that you had me fooled.
For years I would call you my wife
One night I really did open my eyes and seen the real you.
A demon spirit that should be banished back to hell

I know you continue to be up to your old tricks
But in the end your just going to get stuffed with diseased dicks
They see you as nothing more than meat
In the end you will end up on the street

Can see your future now.
Used and abused since you’ve always lived a sheltered life
Come crawling back to me, that door shall be closed.
You continue to take advantage of my nice ways

Another demon in my life that I shall slay
Once I’m done with you
Hung is what you’ll be
In my butcher shop.

An after thought in my life
A cautionary tale for what you have done.
I see it in your eyes, you think this is all fun.
Telling all that I’m the worse on the planet


You Remember

Remember that amazing night we spent until 1 in the morning
Just sitting under the stars talking, you curled up on me like a kitten
I gladly put my arm around you as we still talked that warm evening
Gazing at me in awe, like I was something special

I don’t even mean short bus special either
But that night you looked at me unlike anyone else
The way you smiled when you looked at me
Knowing we were both feeling those feelings

Wishing that night would have never ended
One of our favorite moments
Something so simple, just sitting out under the stars
You, Me and nothing else

What an amazing evening that was
Would gladly do it again with you
But at times I don’t think it will ever happen.
I know your going through a lot right now with crap in that house

I wish I could do something for you, I offer you to come over
To get away from that stress, hide here with me.
Let me hold you and stay where nobody can find you.
Being to tired you didn’t come over

Nothing I could have done any differently
The offer still stands, having you come over and let me hold your hand
I know it won’t happen, I can already tell your too tired make the drive
Even if I had that little bit of plastic, I couldn’t go anywhere

When I can’t sleep at night, I sit up by the window looking up at those stars
Wondering about where you are
Thinking are you thinking about me, good thoughts or not.
I still wonder how you see me the way you do

Not saying it’s a bad way, I just worry about disappointing you
Guessing that feeling should go now since I already have.
But I get the feeling it’s overflow from your other stress.
Since it’s no doubt got your brain a complete mess.

I’ll be surprised if I hear from you again
Always knew I wasn’t worthy of someone as great
Can’t say I’m surprised at anything really
Specially when I look in the mirror and say “why would anyone want me ?”


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