Posted in Life

Christmas Gathering – Beat

Just something I tossed together while dinner was being made, hope everyone enjoys it

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Posted in Life

Cold Weather / Skipping Christmas / Writing

Cold Weather

So if you live in Canada much like myself you know that your basically watching the weather drop before your eyes. It’s going to dip into the negative and it’s not going to be a pretty sight, not to mention if you haven’t gotten hit with it yet your going to get hit with snow and lots of snow.
I for one hate the fucking winter, I hate the cold weather and I hate the snow. I don’t even think I liked it when I was younger, but I’ve noticed the last few years I tend to get colder a lot easier and have trouble getting warm. As my brother once told me “that’s how you know your old, you start getting colder easier… welcome to the club”

I’m dreading this winter cause they keep talking about how bad it’s going to be, right now as I write this it’s December 6th, we’ve had cold weather and a bit of snow but it tends to pass after not too long, but the cold weather turns to cool weather.

I also tend to want to hibernate all winter, I also always want to skip Christmas as well. I would gladly just treat it like another day… Which reminds me…

Skipping Christmas

When you start talking about skipping Christmas and many people over hear you, you have no idea how offended people get when you speak about it. First you have the hardcore religious people who start jumping all over you “how would you like it if everyone skipped your birthday ?” .. Most of them get annoyed when I follow that with “I’d be just happy with that” followed by “I keep telling people that it’s just another day but they refuse to listen to me”

I remember the last few years I’ve ventured into a Giant Tiger and as per usual around this time of the year they have Christmas music playing, I just roamed through the store got what I came for and went to cash and never cracked a smile, the cashiers all made comments about how I must be a “grinch” if I’m not smiling. I just kinda looked at them, ignored them and purchased my items and walked out. I could have argued about why I wasn’t smiling on that day, but I chose not to. I just kept to myself and didn’t want people to feel sorry for me. Truthfully I feel like at times I talk so much about December 20th that it just gets tiresome. On facebook I always make posts about it but two or three years ago I decided just to stay silent on that day and not say anything about it but yet when family called Mom and was talking to her I can’t believe how many people asked “Is Ken alright ?, he normally makes a post on facebook about it and this year he didn’t” I remember Mom asking me about that as well after she heard about things and I just told her “I say it every year, don’t get me wrong it’s not that I don’t miss him but do you ever get tired talking about it ?, well this year I just chose not to say anything about it cause at times I feel like I’m a broken record on that day”… So last year I decided to do something different I decided to type up “My day” and basically wrote up what happened to me on that day word for word. I showed Mom on her ipad since she’s not on facebook I logged in as myself, she thought I did a nice job writing it. I later seen my brother who always stops by on the day to see how Mom is and to spend time with her, my sister does the same but she more so does it via phone call since it’s a bit further for her to drive.. But anyways when I got talking to my brother he told me that he seen the post and he told me it almost made him cry.
While I’m talking about Christmas I thought I would post up a music video for a Christmas song that I came across this year and I liked it so much I bought the album… No it’s not jingle bells (yup had to slide in that inside joke)
It’s Toby Mac – Bring On The Holidays

Writing

I recently released 3 to round out the end of this year, for a while I was thinking “That’s all for this year” but I don’t know, I might do another one or two. It’s really going to depend on how things are over the next few days, don’t get me wrong I have plenty of ideas… Geez I could no doubt write something each week if not multiples each week if I wanted to. At times I think digital paper would be kind of cool, there for if I have an idea while out I can jot it down so I don’t forget. But in all honesty if I come up with an idea while I’m out I run with the same idea I do when I’m in bed “If I wake up and can remember that idea, then I’ll write about it. If I can’t think of it, then it wasn’t good enough to write about” … I’ve forgotten many over time but I’ve also remembered many as well. That and at times me getting out and getting away from my devices are a good thing, it allows my mind to roam, it lets me look at the real world and see if that inspires me.

Anyways that’s all from me for today, I’ll leave you with a second music video for the post:
A Killers Confession – Angel On The Outside:

Kennie

Posted in Life

Christmas Thoughts…

So we all know that Christmas is coming. For the last few years I had a thought but haven’t really stepped forward with it because I kept getting stopped in the same tracks. One of the things I thought for my Christmas list was “donation in my name to…..?” but that’s the thing I honestly wouldn’t know where I would want a donation sent. Most people say “do something close to you” well I could do something close to the family like the Canadian Cancer Society since Mom had breast cancer. But I would want something close to me, I think the only thing I could do is a donation to Sick Kids. The reason for that is when I was alot younger than I am now I had a hernia removed and I was in sick kids for that, then I got thinking deeper….

I had the thought of listing suicide hotline, no I never called it myself. But I’m sure many people do call it, but back in high school I did think about committing because of being bullied and harassed but I chose not to. The thing is not many people know that about me, I generally don’t talk about that side of my life to many people. So why are you guys so special ? Well I’m just putting it out there, it’s really your choice to read it or not to read it. I don’t know if people will look down on me for that or look up to me for that, not that it matters. I choose not to tell family about certain aspects of my life because my family seems to be very judgmental about everything so I hide many things from them. Such as the fact that I write speaking of which I took the time today to setup the books page on the site to show everything that I released at some point in time.

So my idea of a donation to something I would like to help, it didn’t happen this year, but I’m going to keep it in mind. I might do my own personal donation to something as my own gift to myself, I haven’t decided fully if I’m going to or not or where but if I do I’ll be sure to talk about it.

Last Night

Last night was a bad night for myself, had to make a late night trip to the bathroom. Not exactly how I chose to spend my saturday nights when I’m trying to sleep but lets face it things like that do happen. I don’t know if it’s cause I ate something that didn’t agree with me or what it was.

Making Music

So for the last little while I’ve been making music but that as abruptly stopped and everything I created was pulled from online since I discovered what I was making I couldn’t sell and that’s what I was trying to do, the license said that I could freely distribute but I couldn’t sell anything that I made. Needless to say it bothered me when I found that out since I sunk in a bunch of money into things already. So I’ve done my homework and I’m looking at another program, right now the other program I’m looking into is: Mixcraft 8 Home Studio I would buy it on steam, since I already have a few games on steam that I play and it’s the easiest way for me to buy things through it since I don’t have to worry about serial numbers or anything like that.  I’m sure I could no doubt use the software I have it’s just the loops I would have to replace, I might look into that in the near future. Right now I’m just trying to limit what I do just because I know the end of the year can be overwhelming with the holidays. But I decided to setup a paypal.me link so if you’d like to drop me a tip feel free by clicking here

Well that’s all that I have to really share right now, not sure what I’m going to do for the rest of the day.

Kennie

Posted in Life

Welcome / Hello / Intro to KEN

Hello all who choose to stop by and read the random bits of things from my life that I post. I’ve been debating about doing this for a while now but I’ve for the most part leaned towards not doing it because… Honestly I have no fucking clue, I think it’s just more so one of those things that I always seem to talk myself out of than advancing on. Well today is the day that I chose to advance on this thought.

Where do I begin ?… I guess best way to do so is say… Hello my name is Ken, why is it that when I say that I feel like I should be in a support group ?…
I live in Ontario Canada.. That’s as close as I’m going to say… I know Ontario is a big place but that’s fine… For those wondering no my real last name isn’t Kayoz it’s something I came up with some how for a pen name like 13-14 years ago when I was trying out various thoughts and it just kind of stuck so you’ll no doubt see it on many things… So by pen name that does mean I write, I mostly dabble in poetry. Although as of late I’ve found like I just sort of lost my happiness with it… but I’ll get to that in a few.
You may also know some of my other pen names: Kenny Roberts / Robbie Three / Mr. Love Zone
Or as I’ve called them “voices in my head” because they’re all me just different sides of me.. For those wondering let me go into more detail:
Kenny Roberts – Horror
Robbie Three –  Erotica
Mr. Love Zone –  Erotica
So why two with Erotica ?… People always asked what is MLZ’s real name … Well I always said “Robbie Three” it made him seem more human.
I have other writing names that pop up from time to time but nothing usually stays around like those three…

As I was saying I lost my happiness for poetry, back in 2013 I wrote a book called “Therapy” Which focused on my past and getting bullied and harassed in high school. So I decided I would do a 2017 version of it giving a different bit of therapy about my life, well I found that all I’m doing is rambling on and it didn’t turn out how I wanted it to. Right now it’s only released to one site I haven’t pushed it to Smashwords (my distributor) at this point in time but as I promised myself from the start I wouldn’t not turn away anything I write since there is clearly a reason why it came out of me so people get to read it no matter how good or bad it might be.

I haven’t chosen if I’m going to bring forth the books I’ve released to this site or not, right now it’s on my own site but I haven’t decided if I’ll bring them forward here right now.. I may dick around with that idea later on, but right now nothing like that is on my blog.

I’ve also dabbled in creating music but recently pulled all my music offline because of a discovery I made that basically said I can freely create music but I can’t sell that shit, so I pulled it offline so it was kind of a down point in my life when I read that cause I was getting very creative with what I was doing but clearly that’s not going to be the case

High school sucked for me, that’s all I’m going to say about that…
Speaking of which, many asked me “when did you start writing ?”
Back to the hell I go with this, it was in high school… I was taking a co-op class… a four period co-op class at that and don’t worry I’m not name dropping my teacher on this shit cause I discovered how much she fucking hates me, she loved my brother but I swear in her eyes I got horns and a fucking tail… anywho… during co-op class we got ask as a assignment “write about a dream or nightmare” … so I wrote about a nightmare, I wrote about me getting picked on and harassed daily… So what did that do for me ?… it got me sent to the principals office, my parents were called and I was sent to see the school’s psychiatrist.. Plus the bitch who taught the class read it out to the fucking class, like WTF … seriously ?
That hung over my head for the remainder of the school year before I dropped out, yes I dropped out… back in 1999… I felt it was the best choice for myself.

I was thinking of doing this blog when I was actually trying to mellow the fuck out in a bath tub, having a nice warm bath thinking to myself “I need to do something different” well I guess this will be it, I’m unsure of what all I will post. Really one doesn’t know, it’s no doubt random stuff that comes to mind.. Could be writing, could be a book, could be a…. Kenneth-ism

So what is a Kenneth-ism  you ask ? It’s just little random things I post.. could be about anything… for example: Kenneth-ism: Is it a bad thing when your psychiatrist sees a psychiatrist about you ?

Well Christmas is coming up, Christmas is always a different time of year for my family… Back in December 20 2005 my Dad died in a car accident. So needless to say it’s changed the course of Christmas for the family. So 2005 was the last year the house had lights on it but yet we still continue to go through the motions at Christmas, well except for my sister… Her and her husband don’t do the gift exchange anymore, I kinda thought that’s what the rest of the family should try once. But I think Mom keeps pushing Christmas because it’s what “normal” families do.

I think that’s all I can really say about myself at this point in time to give you all a brief introduction into the man behind the text, at least for now… I’m sure I’ll post something else up in due time… It maybe multiple posts in one day, I honestly have no clue… time will tell..

For the time being I’m outta here….
Kennie