It’s almost time to start my marathon
Of movies as I lay in bed surrounded by darkness
Hiding from the world as it turns
Bothers me ? it does not.
Allowing my mind to go numb while I watch
Things that I use to.
As my eyes drift close
My mind becomes at peace when I sleep.
Waking up after a few hours.
I might get up, to join the rest of the world
Or do I change the movie up.
Will be a spontaneous decision.
More than likely changing up to another movie
Waiting to see what’s next that I find
To stare at blankly
Allowing for me to not pay attention to.
Almost like my mind isn’t even here anymore
My eyes look like static as nothing can be seen
Been told in the past that my eyes were sad
I believe they are now balls of static looking at the world.
Not sure if they show emotion.
Not sure what they show
People tell me life is convoluted
Perhaps I’m too simplistic for life
Never been one to understand much.
Can explain it to me several times
But my mind has yet to get it.
Brain drifts in and out of different thoughts
I don’t think I even understand what comes out of my mouth
Trouble pronouncing words that should be easy.
It takes me three to four times
Then I might just give up cause I feel lazy
You can easily see me struggle at times
But yet at times I try to continue things
Other times I’m just better off just to forget
I struggle with the simplest
Complex I don’t even try
Not eating like I use to.
Food doesn’t seem to have that affect on me.
No longer do I smell and stomach growls.
Been watching more movies than usual
Spending more time in bed.
Under the cover of darkness.
My mind still roams
I still get ideas to write.
The encouragement to do so is fading.
It doesn’t bring me the same joy it once did.
The ability to vent my frustrations
It just seems to stay with me even more.
As I continue to spend more time in bed.
Watching movies that I haven’t watched in a long time.
At times the tablet isn’t even turned on
I just lay letting my mind go blank.
Not having to think about much.
The world moves on without me.
As it should, would never ask anyone to stop it.
Everyone has there own thing that they have.
At times I sit in the darkness
It’s what I’m use to.
No matter if eyes open or closed.
Music or not, tablet or not.
I forget what day it is sometimes.
They all kind of drift together.
Continue as they must.
Sometimes I go outside to feel the warmth
Other times I stay in the basement where it’s colder and dark.
I use to write a bit on my facebook wall.
That became dangerous, people asked too many questions.
I don’t talk to many about what’s going on.
In my mind it’s safer that way.
No matter what I do
No matter what I say
I will always be
So we got hit with a storm on Friday, it knocked the power out for about an hour but before the power went out we lost our phone line which ultimately lead to us loosing our internet as well.. We lost the internet around 4pm… It didn’t come on until sometime Sunday which was roughly 36 hours later.
Needless to say it wasn’t fun, you don’t realize how much you use the internet until it’s gone then when it is gone and you realize how much of your life revolved around it.
Anyways Friday night I had trouble sleeping, so I got on the computer because I didn’t know what else to do and with the wind blowing and I could hear it in the basement.
So I chose to do some writing, and I sat here and wrote and I have a full release ready of stuff I wrote in one night the title of the release is: “Nothing Could Have Saved Me”
Right now I don’t have a cover created nor do I even have a release date.
But I wanted to mention about the writing because I know it’s been a few days since I have done a post.
Hopefully I’ll get a cover done sooner than later, today I’m just trying to finish up things that I was working on Friday when we lost the internet.